Here goes nothin'
Remember us? We're the guys who ate all the peanuts at New York Invite or Gotham Invite or whatever it's called. We also got Pete kicked out of every bar in New Jersey, won East New England Sectionals and totally made it to the game-to-go-to-the-game-to-go-to-the-game-to-go-to-the-game-to-go-to-the-Somerville-Little-League-All-Star-Game. Party on, Garth.
Anyways, things have changed since then. We've gotten older, some of us have gotten jobs, some of us are allowed to leave the state of Massachusetts now. Basically, we realized that we couldn't keep loving shenanigans as much as we lived a good ol' game of pie tin toss -- it's inevitable that things will simmer down. We've instituted some policies to fine-tune our game, clean up our raggedy style and restrict the inherent stupidity that our fans have come to know.
Not actually, just seeing if you were paying attention. Great ruse, right? Tell Ultiworld about how funny we are. Preferably on Twitter. They love that.
Anyways, things have changed since then. We've gotten older, some of us have gotten jobs, some of us are allowed to leave the state of Massachusetts now. Basically, we realized that we couldn't keep loving shenanigans as much as we lived a good ol' game of pie tin toss -- it's inevitable that things will simmer down. We've instituted some policies to fine-tune our game, clean up our raggedy style and restrict the inherent stupidity that our fans have come to know.
Not actually, just seeing if you were paying attention. Great ruse, right? Tell Ultiworld about how funny we are. Preferably on Twitter. They love that.
The Important(ish) Stuff
So, someone has to be in charge, we're told. After the Spies fiasco of last year -- in which he told us mid-season, "you narcs are killing my buzz," and quit to go have a child and live the happiest life imaginable -- we weren't sure we could ever appoint leaders again. We really considered our options before landing on our solution, and we're proud of what we've come up with. Instead of appointing the entire graduating class of PK's gentle yoga class co-captains, we mined the history of our valiant squad to find three seasoned, amicable, literate leaders for Dr. Wrench's Magical Mystery Tour. One of them even has a college degree! Isn't that lovely, let's meet them right now. Hit it Papa Roach!
Robby Perkins High
You can't spell Big Wrench without the letters R-P-H. Back in 2013 it was he who fired the first shot by saying, "let's start a fucking club team." His yearlong hiatus spent teaching in Costa Rica was just a clever slight-of-hand trick to motivate passivity among his subordinates. Now he's back, pushin' two hundo, and ready to regain his status as prince of this radical fiefdom.
Jordy Kaufman
It's rare that you find a guy who can play stifling man defense AND get 129 likes on a Facebook picture of him owning Carter, but Jordy's not just any dude. Widely recognized as the youngest captain in Big Wrench history, Jordy aka Munchies is a BW vet who survived the entire drive home from Chesapeake once. He's the chillest of all the 2015 captains, because he's so chill on the field and also so chill off of the field. We'd better watch out, or else he might rename us Team Chill.
Samuel "Bubbles" Zuckernik
A card carrying member of whatever weird cult makes up the Brandeis men's ultimate Trons, Bubbles approached Wrench tryouts in 2014 as a relatively unknown entity. His technical cutting and finesse orange-slice game quickly turned some heads up in the BW owners' box, and he was offered a 1 year contract with options. Celebrated by his peers, respected by his elders and feared by the entire country of Tunisia, Bubbles is a rabid force in our corner.
Now what?
Now you'll just have to stay tuned for more dispatches from the magnificent wrenchin' machine. We'll be in touch, don't worry. Maybe by snail mail, maybe by WHUPH, don't worry, you'll hear from us.